Thursday, April 14, 2016

Get The Hell Off My Marriage-Monkey!

I just got off a meeting with a friend, a married friend and you know how those meetings go. Especially, when you are not married and everyone else in the world is.

Last year, another friend of mine got married and I loved being at the wedding for him, but I hated being there for me. Endless questions about when I was going to get married, countless declarations about how I was next, with a few prophetic insights from God Himself, since it was a Christian wedding and all.

So…this person came up to me and asked me the obvious dreadful question, without consent, without permission and without even an attempt at waxing eloquent. I should have just done the whole ‘In-God’s-Time’ routine. But I was so tired and in no mood for concocted religious jargon. My answer was pretty snappy, pretty simple and pretty rude: I don’t find the need to be married. 

Now, that is something you NEVER tell an evangelical Christian! I mean, never!

Her face changed and then with a reaction that conveyed certain doom for my future, she controlled herself and spoke in that gentle Christian charitable tone; you know, the one where we love the gay people until we don’t; the one where we so badly want to pray for the man who is hungry, as opposed to just feeding him? That.

‘It’s okay, it’s okay. I understand, brother. I am not judging you.’

My first reaction should have been: Who the f*** asked you to?

Why can’t my married friends understand, what is extraordinary for them might just be something good in my eyes…and that, something just vaguely good, doesn’t necessarily constitute my idea of a fulfilled life? Why can’t they just understand that I don’t need to have someone to be happy? Why the hell can’t they get that, may be, I have come to a place in life where I am content with my lot in life, being single included. That may be my tether-crazy marriage-horse’s back was broken long ago and now it’s just refusing to want anymore?

Then comes the part, where I am allegedly averse to marriage because of my past relationships. This one’s my favorite because if it is true, then 90% of my friends are all world-class psychiatrists. Unfortunately, it is not! So that just makes them asses with unwarranted mouths!

‘Oh, don’t worry about it, Aden. You must be hurt. One day, you will get over it and want to marry. So, now just deal with whatever you are dealing with! It’s okay. We get it!’

Seriously! Everybody in the world seems to ‘understand’ the self-inflicted predicament of the single-class. We are just hurt, abused and depressed. And one day, like them, we will also have our own revelation, and this dancing doll of a babe with lips like a jewel and breasts like a fawn, will prophetically fall out from one of the songs of Solomon and we will find happiness…the everlasting kind!

Oh God, enough already!

I don’t need someone to rescue me from my so-called ‘solitude-from-hell’. That rescuing was done long ago. And the only thing I needed rescuing from, was from myself…my uncanny ability to self-destruct. Have I done that? Of course. So give me credit for that, married cow!

And the whole idea of a passing phase might hold true if I was still a doe-eyed teenager with more idealism than my raging pants could handle. It just so happens, I am not. My days of idealism are long gone, my emotional institutions are less prone to drama, my hormonal faculties are less predatory and my heart isn’t necessarily looking at every woman in church wondering who that ordained ‘One’ is! 

Don’t get me wrong. I am not hateful towards marriage or the extraordinary life that comes with it. All of my ideals come out of a core belief that I hold dearer than any other theology:

I am not incomplete. I do not need someone to come and complete me. I am not an incomplete half waiting to be made whole. The One that completes me is already on the inside of me. And that One is greater than anyone else in the world. I don’t need rescuing. I am not lonely. I am not starved for love. Period!

Now, will I never get married? I never said that. I might when I feel it is time.  Or maybe not.
But as of today, I am single. And there is an identity in that. The identity that goes with being your own person, being your own muse, being your own unbound, unfettered, untethered song, being your own mindless, poignant, melancholic soliloquy; without being tied down by the selflessness that is the hallmark of any good marriage. 

Instead of talking to me like I’m an idiot, you could just falsely accuse me of being selfish. At least that would sound closer to the truth than the other garbage!

Anyway, coming back to this friend, I just met. Now, I was expecting it to be something of a parade. It was anything but. When he began pouring his heart out, listing all of the issues he was going through in his marriage, telling me how he felt there was a certain kind of beauty in me being single, I was literally beaming with pride but reciprocating with gentle rebukes of the Christian kind. 

‘No, brother. You are so blessed to have someone exclusively for you.’

‘Oh please. Don’t say that. You are in an amazing….’

Well, you know the drill!

Now, here is my own real parade, a little nugget of truth that the married folks need to know, more than the one they are trying to communicate to me:

Your partner is not a cushion for your pain. Your partner was not created to molly-coddle you out of your stupidity. Your partner was not created to compliment your ego. Your partner cannot complete you, when you are a complete incomplete! And your partner is not responsible for your pain. You are. So, stop asking your partner to be your pillow and check if you are a good enough bed. And if you’re lumpy, then well, fix it, before trying to fix the other side.

Take this advice from an absolutely non-judgmental single man. Perhaps, it takes a single man like me, to truly save that illusive perfect union you keep relentlessly boasting about. 

Remember, Hillary, before the advent of Monica’s Stained Blue Dress once wrote: It takes a village!

It does…always!

With love, 
Single Aden.

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